Sunday, April 22, 2018

Top 20 Cereals of the Last 40 Years: The Mount Rushmore

Unless you have been sleeping under a rock for the last month, you have been on the edge of your seat waiting for the day to come when I would reveal the best cereal of the last 40 years.  By now, it is highly likely that you have scrolled to the bottom and ruined the surprise.  But, if by chance you are a purist when it comes to lists and have stuck with me for this long, maybe you will stay just a little bit longer.

This was never about the cereal.  Okay, maybe it was a little about the cereal.  But in reality, this was always about the journey that I wanted to take the reader on.  This was a way for me to let you peer inside my childhood years and see why I developed a lifelong passion for cereal.  Not many things other than Star Wars have encompassed my entire life like cereal.  It likely taught me to read, having spent every morning staring at the side of the box wondering what riboflavin was and why the cereal inside was providing me with 20% of my daily requirements of it.  This list also reflects the quirkiness of my nature in the fact that I made a list of my top 20 cereals of the last 40 years.  Who does that?  This guy.

And this was also about the writing.  Having started writing about the same time I started eating cereal, this was a chance to return to my roots.  I wrote my first novella at age 16,  But the years that followed were more filled with engineering technical pieces and running race reports than with the type of writing that I truly enjoy.  I have dipped into that passion from time to time over the last few years with my series on the rare virus that attacks my vocal cords and how it has changed my life, but you have to be close family or my mom to enjoy reading those words.  This was an opportunity to write for the pure joy of writing.

Write what you know.  Seems like the golden rule of writing.  Well, I know cereal.  So thank you for joining me on this journey and hope that you have been entertained along the way.

Let's start with a recap of numbers 20 through 6 from my three previous blogs.

20. Cap'n Crunch



19. Cocoa Puffs



18. Kaboom



17. Crispix



16.  Cookie Crisp



15. Honey Nut Cheerios



14. Zucaritas



13. Cinnamon Toast Crunch



12. Coco Wheats



11.  Sugar Crisp



10. Lucky Charms



9. Banana Bugs 'n' Mud



8. Honey Comb



7. Teddy Grahams



6.  Marshmallow Krispies cereal



And now, the top 5.  Thank you for reading along.

5.  S'mores Crunch



By now you have likely realized that many of my favorite cereals were produced during my peak cereal eating years of 1980 to 1984.  S'mores Crunch made a debut in my cereal bowl in 1982 which was during the same time I was watching Super Friends, Shirt Tales and the Richie Rich Show on Saturday morning cartoons.  It basically was Golden Grahams on steroids, as General Mills flavored the graham cracker pieces with chocolate and added tiny marshmallows.  Until creating this list, I never knew that I had such a passion for tiny marshmallows in cereal but apparently it is a real thing.  Like so many other cereals, S'mores Crunch was retired too soon, as production was stopped in 1988.  But maybe this is actually for the best?  Just like going back to watch a movie from the 80's that I thought was so good (then) and turns out to be not good today, S'mores Crunch may be better left in the 1980's. 

4.  Apple Jacks



Not many fruit flavored cereals survived the rigorous process I went through to create this list.  Is it possible that my strong diastase for Fruit Loops has clouded my judgement for other fruity cereals?  Apple Jacks makes a strong entry on the list at number four.  Originally just orange colored loops, it was not until the late 90's that the green circles were added to provide diversity.  Apple Jacks is the perfect balance of crunchiness, robust flavor and nutritional goodness.  But it truly reigns supreme as one of the best cereals to provide drinkable milk at the bottom of the bowl, along with Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. 

3. Grape Nuts



My number three entry likely does not appear on any other top cereal list other than a list where people confuse dog food for cereal.  Grape Nuts can literally taste like gravel if eaten straight out of the box.  But when combined with two scoops of sugar and skim milk, this concrete cousin transforms into gritty goodness.  Before this metamorphosis, it is clearly the healthiest cereal to make the list.  The third and final entry for Post, Grape Nuts has tremendous scoop-ability for getting the most amount of cereal onto a single spoon.  And if you want a totally mind blowing experience, try substituting microwaved evaporated milk (for cold skim milk) and you may just replace filet mignon as your last meal on earth.

2. Golden Grahams



I have previously admitted that some cereals may have been ranked higher than normal due to pure sentimental value.  When I think about my dad eating cereal, I think of him eating a bowl of Golden Grahams.  But unlike my approach of simply adding milk, my dad goes about this a little differently.  In fact, in his bowl of Golden Grahams, there are very little Golden Grahams.  He adds granola, fresh fruit from the garden, nuts and an occasional raisin which in other cases may be a grounds for disownment, but that is another list.  He also prefers warm(er) milk and if my mom will allow it, he would want it to be whole milk.  I have to eat mine in ice cold skim milk and have been known to actually add ice cubes.  A box of Golden Grahams will last my dad for a month, whereas it may not make it to the end of grocery day for me.  But regardless of our methods, it is something that we share as father and son.  This honey and brown sugar flavored cereal narrowly missed top billing.

1. Ice Cream Cones



I believe that 1987 was the greatest year of all time.  I was 12 years old.  Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard was on the radio.  I was an all star first baseman for the First National Bank little league team at Lodal Field.  I was dating the older sister of a team mate.  We went to school camp and my friend Ryan Milkey made me much cooler than I actually was.  I had my first Mark McGwire rookie card and life was good.  I was in the advanced math and reading classes at Garden Village School and life could not be better.

In that same year, General Mills introduced Ice Cream Cones cereal.  It was a combination of sweetened puffs with sugar cone-shaped pieces sweetened with waffle cone flavor.  Do I really need to say anything else?  Our local grocery store in Kingsford, Michigan only carried the vanilla flavor, while the big cities were treated to chocolate and chocolate chip varieties.  Before adding milk, you could make tiny ice cream cone replicas by carefully balancing the ice cream puffs atop the waffle cones.  Though I will never mention it under oath in a court of law, this cereal was actually two sugary to be eaten right out of the box.  But the milk would actually cut though the sweetness and produce an amazing result.  An occasional cone might pierce the roof of your mouth, but it was worth the risk.

Peddling on a bicycled shaped ice cream cart, Ice Cream Jones battled life threatening conditions like man eating cartoon bears and falling trees in the woods to deliver Ice Cream Cones to kids.  He also manged to sing a catchy jingle where he chimed "No storm keeps Ice Cream Jones from bringing you, your Ice Cream Cones."

What is beyond comprehension is the fact that this cereal was discontinued in the same year in which it made its debut.  General Mills did bring this cereal back in 2003 for the 100th anniversary of the ice cream cone, but I refused to bite on this gimmick.  For me, Ice Cream Cones cereal is what 1987 was all about.  Eating something that made you feel good without worry.

If there was a Mount Rushmore of cereals, Ice Cream Cones would be the Abraham Lincoln, cut down before their prime.

Until next time my cereal eating friends...

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Top 20 Cereals of the Last 40 Years: Part Three

I love a good backstory.  Painting a picture that provides a setting so that the listener can only then fully understand the impending tale.  That includes waxing poetically to create anticipation for the final punch line.  Maybe carrying on a bit too long where the reader might just be ready to give up.

I like cereal.  I eat cereal.  I have been liking and eating cereal for 40 years.

So with that, let's continue on with the first half of the top 10, in my multi-part series on the best cereals of the last four decades.

10. Lucky Charms

Cereal is often marketed toward children with colorful cartoon characters adorning the box.  In this case, Lucky Charms features Lucky the Leprechaun.  Unless of course you lived in New England in the mid 70's, in which Lucky was actually replaced by Waldo the Wizard.  I am almost certain very few people remember that!  The marshmallow types have changed over time as some of my favorites like blue diamonds have come and gone.  I still hold a grudge that yellow moons are no more.  But regardless, the recipe has mostly remained the same and so has my adoration of the charm.  After all, how is not possible to like something that is magically delicious?



9. Banana Bugs 'n' Mud

Unless you've traveled to New Zealand, you have likely never heard of Hubbards Banana Bugs 'n' Mud.  This puffed rice cereal has chocolate banana flavored morsels that are aptly named mud, and then maggoty, squishy looking bugs that if you squint and pretend real hard, might actually be bugs.  Cereal Time TV published a ground breaking piece of journalism in 2014 that covered this cereal in less than three minutes.  I highly recommend you watch it here.  Anyway, I have had the fortune of traveling twice to the land of kiwi, and spending the better part of a month there in total.  On my first day I find the local PAKn’SAVE to pick up a box that I carry with me from city to city.  This has fueled my engine for dozens of work meetings, and tramping (that's hiking to the rest of the world) all over the most beautiful country in the world.



8. Honey Comb

I am going to say right up front that I really waffled on where to put this cereal.  Wait for it... It's only funnier when you let it sink in.  Honey Comb should be sold by volume, not by weight since it basically feels like air.  This may be the greatest scam of all time since there is so much space between the hexagonal prismatic cells (phrase "borrowed" from the internet without citation) that the cereal will fill up a standard box and not live up to the standard servings sizes on said box.  I digress.  Honey Comb is basic; it is conservative; it is perfect.  Thank you Post for continuing to manufacture the Delicious combs of honey for all these years.



7. Teddy Grahams

It is difficult to comprehend that as of today, that Teddy Grahams Breakfast Bears has been gone from our lives for 20 years.  It lived such a short, yet sweet life, making it's debut on grocery store shelves in 1991.  Not normally known for it's cereal making, Nabisco made a big milk splash with this graham cereal in three flavors, highlighted by the popular honey flavor.  The commercials featured dancing and singing bears encouraging you to wake up and eat them.  This cereal was basically the Nabisco's Teddy Grahams snack crackers in milk, which were packed with so many preservatives that they stayed crunchy to the last bite.  The creepy part of this was that the back of the box features a full size bear mask that you could cut out and wear.   Thank you Nabisco for making the 90's worth living.



6.  Marshmallow Krispies cereal

When a retired cereal has a cult group of followers and a Facebook page, it is time to come back to our breakfast table!  Marshmallow Krispies cereal made a debut in 1982 when I was seven years old; also known as the peak year for cereal consumption.  The addition of colorful marshmallows to the standard krispy is the perfect amount of sugary goodness in my expert opinion.  Kellogg's was definitely milking the success of the Krispies line with multiple varieties, but the marshmallow flavor ranks number six in my book.  I think that Crackle has gotten the shaft over the years, being overshadowed by Snap and Pop.  His middle child syndrome is clear in his demeanor.  Please support Crackle as you think back fondly on this wonderful cereal.



That's a wrap for now.  All that remains is the top 5...

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Top 20 Cereals of the Last 40 Years: Part Two

I know that for the last week you have been on the edge of your seat eagerly awaiting the continuation of the top 20 cereals of the last 40 years.  You've not been able to sleep.  And when you do, you find yourself dreaming of sugary cereal floating in icy cold milk waiting to be eaten by the spoonful.

15. Honey Nut Cheerios

Though I have been known to be seduced by sprinkles or marshmallows, sometimes simplicity is just as tasty.  Honey Nut Cheerios don't offer 15 pieces of flair but pack a powerful punch with every bite.  When combined with milk, they tend to glue together like sticky rice turning it into a challenge of how many cheerios you can fit into your mouth at one time.  General Mills has had extra base hits with spin offs such as apple cinnamon and banana flavors, but for me it is the original that hits a home run that makes my list.



14. Zucaritas

Normally breakfast south of the border is best when you wrap anything in a tortilla shell as the milk tends to be warm and I question if it came from cow, a goat or other farm animal.  But if you can find Zucaritas, you have found sugary gold in a bowl better than Coronado's Seven Cities of Gold.  This Mexican knock off puts Frosted Flakes to shame since it doesn't have to follow all of the US regulations that make it healthy.  Tony le Tigre awaits!



13. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

I typically deploy a different technique when eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch for several reasons.  Instead of pouring my normal serving size in a monster bowl, I choose the smaller bowl with less milk.  Then I dive in and eat quickly making a slobbery mess because this cereal is only good while still crunchy.  If it gets soggy for some reason, I will let Fiina the beagle have a special treat.  Plus the milk afterward has a shimmery film that I really want no part of.  Milk should be thirst quenching to wash down the sugar just consumed, not make me wonder what exactly I am drinking.  And yes I drink right from the bowl.



12. Coco Wheats

Growing up it was a special treat to have COCO WHEATS and toasts.  Dunking warm buttery toast into the hot chocolate porridge brings back so many fond memories of my childhood.  In Upper Michigan, hot cereal was a staple of breakfast on cold winter days.  Depending on how much milk was added, this stuff could be as think as concrete.  It would stick to your ribs for a day of building a fort in the snow that your dad shoveled off the roof.  Recently I found a reseller on Amazon that sent me a three-pack that I have been enjoying ever since.  This marks the only hot cereal to make the list.



11.  Sugar Crisp

Just like Jefferson Airplane had numerous name changes, so has the number 11 on our list.  Call it Sugar Crisp, Super Sugar Crisp or Golden Crisp.  In any case, you have magic in a bowl.  Golden Crisp is preferred over the Kellog's Honey Smacks version in every category, including the mascot.  Would you rather eat cereal endorsed by a bear wearing turtle neck or a frog wearing a backward cap? 



Stay tuned for part three in which I will break into the top 10!

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Top 20 Cereals of the Last 40 Years

I have been eating cereal for breakfast since 1978.  Often times I will eat it for lunch and on occasion it also serves as dinner and late night snack.  I consider myself a connoisseur of crunch; a guru of grains; an aficionado of Apple Jacks.  Back of the napkin math estimates are that I have eaten well over 10,000 bowls of cereal.

So it is with that expertise that I created this list of the top 20 cereals of the last 40 years. Sadly some of these cereals have been discontinued so if you never had the chance to try C3PO's cereal, you are just out of luck.

20. Cap'n Crunch

During winter quarter of my sophomore year of college, I ate only with the Cap'n for 3 meals a day in the DHH cafeteria.  This was 1996 before "All Berries" existed so I had to manually pick out the yellow pieces so I could only eat the crunch berries.  True story.



19. Cocoa Puffs

While not the best chocoloatey cereal of all time, the Puff has a great crunch and does make me coo-coo.  Sadly the remaining milk in the bowl is too chocoloatey for it to rank any higher.



18. Kaboom

I will admit that some cereals appearing on this list get a boost from sheer nostalgia and number 18 is a perfect example of this.  A fond recollection of Saturday morning cartoons fueled with cereal makes me smile and I would like to think that Kaboom was part of that.  When I was too little to lift the gallon of milk, my mom would pour a glass of milk for me and leave it in the refrigerator on Friday night.  Then I would have milk for my cereal in the morning.



17. Crispix

Not all great cereals are on the bottom shelf in the grocery store, where they draw the attention of kids.  Sometimes you have to look up and there you will find Crispix.  Yes I will add two spoonfuls of sugar, but that is my own cross to bear.  To make this list, Crispix doesn't need the multiple flavors like Chex from General Mills.  It is everything you need all in one box.



16.  Cookie Crisp

I love chocolate chip cookies.  I love cereal.  So when you bring these two things together it is a marriage made in heaven.  Add in the fact that back in the mid 1980's Ralston also included baseball cards in boxes of Cookie Crisp and you have a winner.



Stay tuned for part two in which I will reveal the next five best cereals of the last 40 years as we work our way toward the top 10....