The Trap Hills Traverse is a 28.3 mile section of the North Country Trail in the western part of Michigan's Upper Peninsula from the Gogebic Ridge Trail to Victoria Dam Road. When I came across the trail in a Backpacker Magazine article from 2002 I thought that it might be a great opportunity to spend some time in solitude to think about life and what better way to do it than under the skies of God's creation.
I left home just after 4am central and with the two hour drive, an hour time zone change and getting my gear ready, I started at 7:28 am eastern at the very obscure Gogebic Ridge Trail head on old M-64, which after a short bit connected to the NCT. I had my new inov-8 Race Pac 32 to carry my food and water for the day.
Seven hours, 55 minutes and 13 seconds later, I stopped my watch on Old Victoria road, which was about an hour slower than I thought I would be. While this is probably the fastest known time for the Traverse, that is not what I was out to do. I was not seeking personal glory or recognition. My motivation was the continual pursuit of understanding my purpose and pondering God's gift's to me. Though I will admit there is a sense of accomplishment, it is different than anything I have felt before. I was not running for me, I was running for God. As Leo Buscaglia noted, "Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God." I was able to experience many highs and lows while taking in some of the most amazing vistas this area has to offer.
I grossly under estimated several things about the Traverse and the day in general. The first was the weather; it was supposed to be overcast and 50% chance of rain. While nary a drop fell all day, the temperature soared into the upper 80's and my water supplies ran low early, which I recognized, and started to fill up and purify where needed at every stream crossing, which were ample.
The terrain seemed to ascend or descend for more than half of the run. After looking at the profile, now I see why this run was so tough! While the trail was plotted along the top of the ridge, it would drop so sharply on rocky slopes, making running down impossible. On the climb back up it was much of the same, without a single switchback all day. Then when peaking again to a flat rock bald, the sun would rear it's force and slow me further. On second thought I should taken my trekking poles!
Though I had many maps in my pack, and the trail was often marked with plastic blue diamonds or blue paint, there were so many blow downs that most of the time you could not see the next marker and it was a guessing game. Several times I would come to a cleared section and have to try several different routes before figuring out the real path, doubling back to the last known trail marker each time. Between the trees blocking the route, the overgrowth of the season and the lack of foot traffic, the trail was hard to follow in certain sections but mostly the single track in the flats was good trail.
I thought that when I hit Norwhich Road in 3 hours and 34 minutes, coming off of a few miles of easy running trail and having completed 15 miles that there was a chance I could finish in under 7 hours. After a brutal climb right back up to the crest of the bluff, I realized that the trail was much more difficult on this half. I started to fatigue around noon at the five hour mark and begin to fast-hike with virtually no running from about mile 23 to the finish. The final 13+ miles took 4 hours and 21 minutes.
While I was lost many times and thought about how I might miss my pick up time and be stranded, I was never afraid. I prayed long and hard on this day that somehow I would have the strength to finish and that everything would work out. When I got to Victoria Road almost 30 minutes late, I found that I had good cell phone coverage, which is practically unheard of in this area, and was able to call Don. He was supposed to be waiting for me and I thought he may have left already. It turns out that he had forgotten, but quickly made his way down to pick me up. I think that this was the answer to my prayer! I managed to listen to all of the books in Genesis on my iPod as a change of pace over music. It was very enjoyable!
While there were many difficulties encountered on this day, I do not look at them as negative. When talking with Don on the ride back, he said, "I can tell that you are a glass half full kind of person." That really struck me as I had always been a technical and realistic thinker but have been trying to be more open minded and optimistic. I have turned the corner on many things that I am trying to accomplish in my life and while the learning process is continual, it was made evident by Don's comments that he could sense I was making good progress.
All in all it was a great day.
 |
| This was the start of the trail. I couldn't see the trail either! |
 |
| Now can you see why it was easy to lose the trail? It is right here:) |
 |
| The guidebook said to look for this ridge because in 20 miles, I would be standing on it! |
 |
| Thank God that the trail traverse this and did not climb it! |
 |
| Atop Lookout Mountain down over Victoria Dam. Almost there! |
Can a leopard change his spots? I believe so.
I have realized many things lately in my life that were in dire need of change. The way I was living was not working for me and it was affecting those around me. I have been headed down a destructive path for many years and while I started to change late last year, I was so far off of where I need to be. I can not continue with living life the way of the past where I put myself before all others. While I have been able to put someone else before me, I really needed to be putting God before all else. While I have been able to focus on Him, I have been able to focus less on myself. It is a continual process and while I am not finished yet, I am working harder than ever to be a better man, a better friend and a better person. While afoot for nearly eight hours I was able to think clearly on my life and here are those honest thoughts.
For years now I have been trying to fill a void in my life and I have done that through running. I was chasing and chasing something, never knowing what I was looking for or missing. I would get a temporary high with each race but then would feel more empty after than I did before. It was only through attending church that I realized that running had become my false idol and the void in my life was faith. This does not mean that I am going to stop running races; that would be sacrificing the gifts that I have been given. But now I realize that God does not care how fast or how far I can run. I want to run to enjoy running, to return the gift to God and to stay healthy but my outlook is totally different. I also realized that I do not truly enjoy ultra running. I have spent too much time trying to be someone else (because of the people around me enjoy it) and not enough time being me. I love to trail run and be outside and will have to think long and hard about wanting to run ultras in the future. Why would you keep doing something, even if you are good at it, if you don't truly enjoy it? Running is one of the many things that I now do, but it will no longer be who I am.
I have an extremely addictive behavior so it is easy to slip into a personal vice. I live every day with it like a disease, but I will not let it get the best of me. I have been shown that there is so much more to life than running and for a decade I have been missing out. While running across the Traverse yesterday, God was testing me in so many ways, once of which was to see if I would stop and enjoy the scenery or if I would just push through as fast as possible. At every chance, I stopped to take it all in, smell the roses so to speak, and take a few photos to remember the beauty of the Ottawa National Forest. I continue to work on this, but want to break out into an uncomfortable place and experience things that I would never have before. This will also help bring the balance into my life that I so desperately need.
I have come to realize that being able to relax and let go is a good thing, understanding that rest is good for even on the 7th day God rested. While it is ok to write things down as to not forget them, I don't have to live my life by the schedule or a checklist. Thinking like an engineer is ok when at work, but I have to say that being stripped of this burden and living more relaxed has been very enjoyable. I have been practicing just enjoying life, not feeling like I always have to be doing something.
Today, when I spoke to the Father (at the church I attended growing up) after church, I told him that there were many reasons why I wanted to change. He said that it was a reward as a priest to see when someone has been touched by God. It does not matter how I got to this point and while I thought I was seeking Him out, it turns out that He was seeking me, but I had to be ready to accept him. It was a very emotional meeting but he listed to me and provided very good insight when I told him that I wanted to live a more Christian life. I want to do this for me. He told me that I am a work in progress with room for improvement, but the important part is that I have asked for help, from him, from God and from others around me. This is one of the many ways that I know I am ready to change, is that in the past I would never have asked for help. I was either too afraid, too embarrassed or not ready to act. I have found peace in him, feeling his presence in me and while unworthy, I am ready to ask for grace and incorporate Him into my life through prayer, church, the Bible and other ways.
These are not just words, nor are they not temporary changes. I hope others close to me can accept and respect these changes. Like the way a muscle must be stressed and torn during exercise to properly recover, repair and grow stronger, I too have been broken down and am opening myself up. I've been lost for many years but now have asked for forgiveness. At the suggestion of a friend, I have started a journal so that I can write down more personal thoughts and feelings. I am thankful for those around me who have helped me realize what I was missing.
God has a purpose for me. While I was lost and feeling alone, he was always there for me even though I could not see him. God has not given up on me.