As I prepare to turn another year older, I began to look inside. When I did, I realized that should I not have another year or another day for that matter, that so many people would never really know me. I don't let people into my life to see more than what you know superficially. When faced with extended alone time over the past few days I realized that you don't know me at all and I want you to know that there is more to me. The best way I can do this is to relate it to running; my passion.
So take this for what it is worth; either an opportunity to get to know me and understand me better or a reason to dislike me more. That is your choice. Either way, I am trying. In the end, I am who you say I am.
I am confident, now. But did you know that for the better part of my first 18 years I was picked on, teased and struggled to fit in? My teen years were marked my growth spurts that came so quickly that it was actually painful and lead to awkwardness and lack of coordination? It was not until I found myself as a runner much later in my twenties and now mid thirties that I was able to ever be confident in anything. For a few years I struggled to find the proper balance between confident and cocky since I have never had to deal with it before but now my confidence remains within.
I have a completely addictive personality. Whatever I do, it is with every ounce of energy that I possess. I am not going to do something half way; I have to be going at a ninety miles an hour with my hair on fire all of the time. So when I found running and how it follows the unique principal of hard work returns twofold with results, I was hooked. It is, in fact, a very vicious circle as I have stated in the past. The harder you work at it, the more time you devote to it, the better you will become. The better you are at something, the more you want to do it. Within reason, this can go on and on for a long time. Most people never realize their potential as runners; it kills to me see wasted talent. I have made it a motivator to see if I can ever reach the upper limits of my abilities. I encourage people to invest the time to see how far they can go.
If I sense a weakness, I am going to be driven to do what I can to turn it into a strength. In my running, like getting out kicked at the finish of a race, you will see me out that afternoon or the next day running strides at the end of a tempo run or mile repeats. I have a strong will to be the best at whatever I do; this much is probably obvious.
I won't stop. It will never be good enough. As soon as I recognize one goal, I am already planning for the next; looking to the next challenge. At first it was to break 6 minute miles for a 5k; then it was to run under 40 minutes for a 10k; then it was to run under 3 hours for the marathon; then it was to run under 4 hours for a 50km. Each time I methodically laid out a plan that was researched by reading any expert running book that I could get my hands on. Then I went through an extensive period of putting that plan into action, culminating with the execution of the race goal. Yet despite personal accomplishments, I want to do more; I want to run faster or further. I want to do great things that have never been done before.
I am very goal oriented. When I was a kid, I would not stop shooting free throws in the driveway of my parents house until I could make 5 or 10 in a row. I remember some really dark and cold nights where I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with the ball, but I always stuck with it. I am stubborn like that. When I run track workouts, I will not stop until the last repeat is the fastest. I am willing to work harder than my competitors to reach my goals. I am willing to make sacrifices in my life that you aren't. One of my favorite quotes is "I will do today what you won't, so tomorrow I will do what you can't."
I respect the climb. Despite enjoying the results of an endeavor, I am enthralled with the journey. I learned long ago that you need to take time to enjoy where you are because when you get where you want to be, you will realize that it was about how you got there; not about being there. We all should take a step outside of ourselves from time to time to appreciate what we have. I am healthy, have a decent job, good friends and dogs that make me smile. I have much to be thankful for. I am in the best running shape of my life.
I know that I am not the best at everything I do. I know that I am not the best runner around. There are others out there that have better natural ability. They are probably going to beat me, but I am going to try my best to make them earn it on race day. I recognize when I am over matched or running against someone that is way out of my league. Yet I refuse to back down and am going to give it my all every time and run the best race that I can. I will line up against David Riddle a hundred times and he will beat me 100 times. Yet in the 101st race I am still going to line up again and try again. This is not idiocy or lunacy, which would be defined as performing the same action over and over and expecting a different result. Each time I learn a little more and get a little better. I will never be able to beat him, but in the same breathe, I will never stop trying either.
I like to be rewarded. Yes, one of the reasons I compete comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement. I want to continually prove to you, to myself, to those who race against me that I am a worthy competitor. We all run for different reasons. I may not understand your reasons, but I respect them immensely. All that I ask is that you do the same for me. For me, I like to have a ribbon around my neck as a mark of accomplishment. I am also greatly nostalgic and having a medal helps me to recall the race more easily. That is also why I blog my race reports; to provide a key to unlock unique memories of each race; the taste of the victory; the sound of the crowd cheering; the feeling of crossing the finish line, having given it everything that I had on that day. Trophies are more than just symbols to success. A good running friend recently said about me, "I don't think there is any distance that phases you..." For some reason this meant a lot to me. It was peer recognition.
I get great satisfaction out of helping others. With running, this comes in the form of instructing others on the art of running and training. I have been informally coached by some of the best runners in the area. They taught me what they knew, in hopes that someday I would take that knowledge and surpass them in running comprehension, but in physical competition as well. From there, as in life, it is my role to return the favor to the next generation of runners. Nothing is more rewarding to me than to see someone I have instructed, coached or written a training plan for, to reach their goals.
I want others to have the success that I have had. I am willing to run with anyone, at any time, for any distance at any pace. Joey Butler has often be caught saying that if you want to 'pop out' a 20-miler on a random Tuesday, to 'call Charette.' Part of it is that I hate to run alone; part of it is that I am addicted to the runners high that I get from a great workout. Part of it is that I just want to help you realize your potential. I didn't spend the summer of 2008 running hill beat downs because I enjoy running hills. Well, actually, I do, but that's not why. I knew that running hills would make my friends and training partners stronger runners and help them to achieve their potential.
I want to give back. I want to do more for the running community; to have a greater impact. I have plans in the works for a 1 mile invitational only race on a track, to organize an open mile road race. I want to start a trail running club. I want to organize a trail running festival of races where runners amass points in different trail running events like a 2k hill climb up Water Line, followed by a 20k trail endurance race the next morning and then a fast 5k easier trail run on the last day. Overall winners would be crowned in each event and for the entire festival. I want to continue to coach new runners through applying advanced training principals. I want to invigorate the runners in this area with new races and non-standard offerings that peaks their interest. I have great ideas and just need like minds and time to get these ideas off of the ground.
I have a continued desire to make my parents proud of me. They tell me that they are, but I always feel like I can do more. I was raised in a small town that revolved around the success of the football team. I was not made to dawn pads and tackle people. I was meant to run from point to point, as fast as possible, yet never knew that this was my destiny until recently. I never scored a touchdown or kicked a field goal; having success with running now partially helps me to capture that part of my youth that I missed out on. When I can return home and have success in a race, it is like a double reward; to prove worthy to my alma mater and to make my parents proud of their son.
I am very introspective. I spend many of my runs contemplating deep thoughts on how I can be a better runner, a better employee, a better person. I recognize that I have many faults and am not the person that I could be and this bothers me. With each run, I hope to continue to work on my flaws. As I write now, I am wondering what I can do tomorrow to be better in all of these areas.
I feel misunderstood often times. I think that people see one side of me; the one that is tenacious when it comes to competition; the one they see publicly. What people don't see is homebody that enjoys spending time with family and friends; the one who is constantly seeking approval. That is one of the reasons why I started writing years ago, was to give people a little peak inside my head; for people to get to know me.
I want to make a difference. I hope that I have made an impact on your life in some way. It doesn't have to be running related. If I have not impacted your life, provided motivated you to pursue your goals or start something big, then I have work to do. I think in general people want to know that they have made a difference in your life; it helps to validate self worth.
All of my chips are on the table in every single hand I play. I identify with Steve Prefontaine for so many reasons. For Pre, "it was more than a race." That is the way it is for me. It is more than a race; it is a way I live my life. When I put on my flats and toe the line, I am going to give it everything I have. Though I may not win, I am going to put on the best show that I can. When you watch me race you will see someone dig deep and compete beyond their capabilities. That is the same way I want to live my life; All out; 100% all of time.
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." Don't let a day go by where you are not doing everything you can to be your best. You owe it to yourself.