For me, I can tolerate intense pain while running for distances of 50km and below; in fact I thrive on the pain, pushing the limits of it on each foot fall. When running for less than 4 or 5 hours I am able to remain focused, keep my head in the game and my eyes on the prize. I've done this several hundred times now in foot races where I have been able to execute a race plan successfully. When it comes to long, dull pain, I get weak in the knees, so to speak.
Racing 50 mile races and beyond, a feat which I have only attempted several times, my mind starts to doubt what my body knows it can do and I turn into a basket case. I was asked in the days leading into Delano Park ultra marathon, what I thought the secrets to ultra running were. I responded with a lengthy email, but it boiled down to this: "Going long is 1/3 physical + 1/3 fueling/hydration + 1/3 mental, and if any one of the three legs is not there. the stool will fall." I know what I need to do, but often as in life, knowing the right thing to do and being able to do it are two different things.
This weekend at Delano Park 50 mile I had but one goal in mind and that was to set a state age record in Alabama for 35 year old men. The time was completely achievable as I had run faster than this the year prior and I felt that I was in much better shape this year, coming off of a solid endurance base, several fast marathons and a strong sub 4:30 at Mountain Mist 50km. The first part of the equation, the physical, was there.
I thought that my fueling/hydration was adequate. I carried a hand bottle on every other lap of the 1 mile course, consuming enough fluids to keep me hydrated. I was taking PowerBar Gel Blasts and some other solid foods as the day wore on, to the point where the second part of the equation was present. I did realize later in the day that the sun was burning my arms and shoulders, which lead to dehydration - a painful lesson that I learned in the 2008 Boston Marathon as well.
Where I suffered from an epic failure was not believing that I could do it. My plan to run faster from the start to avoid the heat brought on early fatigue which contributed to me self-doubt. Even after splitting the marathon in 3:20 and the 50km in 4:05 and having a full three hours to complete the next 19 miles, my thoughts began to drive me crazy with the math that I was not going to make it. I began to walk more and more, to the point where I was running for 2 miles and then walking for 2-3 minutes. I had a great pacer with me in Anne Noble as she was very encouraging and kept me going forward. Without her help I probably would have walked off much sooner. But after a twelve minute mile 34 and realizing that I had to hold 9 minute pace or faster for the next 16 miles, to which seemed a daunting, effort, I mentally collapse and gave up.
I walked some of the next mile but but half way I had completely rationalized my failure to execute and decided that instead of walking for another few hours just to get to 50 miles and not set the state record, that I was better off to throw in the towel and live to fight another day. Dropping out of a race is one of the worst failures to a runner as you are basically admitting defeat for whatever reason. I have only done it a few times, and each time I agonize over the choice and nearly ever time I regret it later, once I am thinking clearly. But this time, through the help of some life-coaching by my girlfriend Anne, I was able to find peace with the decision and when I left the race, I left the self-disappointment there as well.
So instead of dwelling on the negative, I choose to focus on the positive and rest in the fact that I made the right call, given the factors. I will live to fight again another day and though I did not achieve my goal of setting a state age record, I realize that sometimes you don't realize all of your goals; that is why they are goals - they give you something to work toward and focus on. This was not an epic failure as would have thought in the past, but a learning experience. In order to compete at longer distance ultra marathons, I need to have complete focus and a strong mind. I also realize that my passions are running at distances of 50km and less because those are my strengths. I may never be a great distance runner but it will not be for lack of trying and now that I have a better understanding of my weaknesses I know what I need to focus on, should I decide to try this distance again.
Thanks to the great team of Eric Schotz, Jon Elmore and all of the volunteers for putting on a great event in Decatur. If you have never checked it out, 2012 is the time for either the 50 mile, the 12 hour or the relay. They really put on a fantastic race.
